We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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