my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
