I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
