Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
