Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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