dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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