I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
