the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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