is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
