You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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