Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
