I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
