This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
