Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
