we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
