He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
