Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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