if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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