Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Screwed.edu
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
