they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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