And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
