fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
