So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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