he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
