im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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