My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Randomize
