i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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