During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
