omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What drink are we having for lunch?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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