I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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