Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
