Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
