I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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