so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
