my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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