she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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