yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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