wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
