my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
