Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
