i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
