Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
