wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
