Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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