Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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