I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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