i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
