I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
