You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
