ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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